I worked with a client a few years ago who said all the right things, really sincerely seemed all fired up, had a track history of working hard and showing discipline  in her work and other things in her life, but just could not stay on her nutrition and fitness plan. When we had our coaching calls she would give me a laundry list of various things and reasons why she couldn’t work out for half of her scheduled sessions, why she missed eating breakfast a few times a week which left her snacking in the staff room at work mid-morning and other things she had committed to herself to doing, but didn’t. 

Some people just don’t want it enough, whatever “it” is. But this client DID genuinely seem to want to reach her fitness and health goals. We had gone through a process of connecting her to her deepest goals in this area of her life and she was already a planner and goal setter, so had that part nailed. 

But, repeatedly she felt frustrated because she wasn’t following through. We finally, through lots of talking about it, got to the real reason why she wasn’t following through. A few of her closest friends were overweight, and pretty much all their socialization was around food and drink. Lots of it. They also mocked people they knew who were either already fit and healthy or ones who had made significant, visible changes to their bodies through healthy eating and nutrition. This client, deep down, identified strongly with these friends and didn’t want to lose them or  have their interactions change. My client, simply put, was afraid of changing herself. 

But in life this is super common. Many of us are afraid to change, afraid OF change, afraid of ourselves changing - even in good ways. Not only in health and fitness but in all sorts of ways. We have a “tribe” or a “pack” and we feel food and secure when we share things with them. It disturbs the force when things change, when we change. Changing often leads us to the unknown and this can be really scary for many of us. We may really want to strive for our goals, but we have some fear around what that may mean  and who we may become if we achieve them. 

One of my all-time favorite quotes is by Marianne Williamson. Years ago a co-worker , who was also a friend, gave it to me on a piece of paper. I still have it, though we lost touch years ago. She probably doesn’t even remember she gave it to me. But the words are powerful. 

“ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel secure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I shared this quote  with my client because Marianne Williamson said what I wanted my client to know way better than I could. While this quote wasn’t about health and fitness goals directly, my client began to understand that she owed it to herself to give herself permission to accept that she may or may not change as she worked on her own goals and shone that light on herself. She understood then that she would be okay with whatever happened. She hoped it would rub off positively on her friends, but she recognized that she had no control over their reactions and choices. She hoped she could influence them as she made healthier choices, but stopped sabotaging her own efforts to shine and do what she knew she COULD achieve. She had recognized that she WAS indeed fearful of herself changing for the better and that it could possibly lead her away from her current friends. But - she let the fear of change go. 

Inspiration Spark!: We all ARE meant to shine, in our own way, in our own time. Don’t let a deep down fear of who you might become if you are successful in your goals stop you. If you’re doing the right thing, the right things will happen. You can and will SHINE!

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